Eye Like A Lens

I'm so angry right now!!!  I work my ass off for my job.  I'm everybody's bitch, I do a little of everyone's job, but my title is DISPATCH, yet somehow when I do my job and work for other people to cover their shifts I get bitched about TO OTHER PEOPLE for not doing my job.  Does that make a shit bit of sense??  I work MWF 7am-12pm now and have picked up two nights, Tuesday night 12am-4am and Thursday 12am-8am.  That's going from MWF 7am-3pm, BUT the first two or three hours I am here people never gave me shit to do anyway, I just sat around waiting for something to do and that's inconveniencing to me and disrespectful to me, but did I bitch, NO b/c it wouldn't do any good at this shithole.  I do more in dispatch then anyone else who does this job aside from Jayne.  I make spreadsheets when people need them, I put endless amounts of paper into order and check over numbers to make sure all the billing is there, I input all the billing numbers into the computer, I research and find old work orders, I make copies, I input the gas receipts and the quality control, I've even gone as far as driven one of the vehicles to the shop and then rode back with another employee, dropping off and picking up.  This is all aside from my real title of dispatch, where I receive work orders, input them into the computer, call techs to issue emergency work orders, email, talk to occupants on the phone, and do every other small bitchass thing they need me to.  I even offered to help input PM inspections in the PM department, but for some reason they haven't used me for that at all, and that pisses me off.  

FUCK this place, FUCK this job, I wish I could either find something else or this publisher would hurry up and finalize everything with my dad b/c I soooooooooooo sick of working here.  EVERYTHING I've done and no one appreciates a minute of it.  I even have been doing my day time stuff at night!!  It's not like I was like "peace I'm covering shifts" I did all the billing stuff I normally do and gas tickets and quality control and other stuff for people while here at night, NO ONE else does that.  Everyone who works nights sit on their asses and do NOTHING.  

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The way things have been going the past two weeks, my life is about to change drastically.  Am I happy for that?  Extremely.  I can't say too much, not to the world, but the people who matter know or will know once I talk to them.  It's made me evaluate my life and how it will change and if I'm prepared (dear God, am I, let's speed this up even more!!).  

I won't change, not in the big ways, certain things in my life will naturally change, but mostly there will just be a sense of total comfort and endless possibilities will open up.  I can pursue job options I never before could have and the world will be before me.  When I think about what I want, what I've had, how things in my life have gone, I've realized it's all been a culmination leading to this point.  

I've whined about being lonely for a long time, but now that I have these possibilities before me I don't mind that so much.  I realize that this loneliness has been for a reason, that if I were with someone, especially from here, it would mess up a lot in my life.  Either that or I would hurt someone in a needless way b/c I wouldn't be able to be with them the way they would most likely want me to.  I'm fine with that.  In comparison I would rather be with my parents, enjoying what's to come, being with my friends, sharing what I'm receiving, traveling the world, seeing everything there is to see, meeting new people I might never have met otherwise, it's all so exciting.  It's been a long time coming, but we (my parents and I) feel it's finally here.

In the past I've been excited about this, but always felt a sense of let down.  I've always known it would happen, he would be great, but it was always a matter of when.  The story is beautiful, the family is happy, there's buzz and people are excited for this story not to mention other good things transpiring with the first story.  All seems to be working out, for once.  I think about it constantly, but this time instead of praying "Please, let this be it" I've been saying "This is it, thank you."  It is it, all the pieces are falling into place.

I just can't wait to shout it to the world and really there won't be a need, you'll see it for yourself.  You'll all see and be amazed, I'm the most amazed...it's my dad, his brilliance, his words, his view.  It's beautiful and best of all, it's a true story, about someone from Mississippi, someone great, an artist who produced more art in his lifetime then any of his contemporaries.  It's about him and his wife, their love, their ups and downs, their children, their struggle, it's simply beautiful.  I can't wait for everything to start.  Just wait, you'll know who and what and when very soon.

Woo, I washed my car today.  Cleaned out the trunk, ran it through the car wash, vacuumed the inside, got all the garbage out, bought wipes, wiped down the inside, cleaned off the tires and put that shine stuff on them, yep it's clean!  Looks good and makes me wonder why I don't do that more often.

I think I know where I want to go to graduate school, Academy of Art University in San Francisco!  I know, I may be jumping a bit ahead here, but they have excellent master's programs in architecture.  The one I'm particularly interested in is green architecture.  I found an ad for them in the back of Metropolis magazine (my new favorite magazine) and then looked them up!

So much is changing.  This year has been pretty interesting to say the least.  I'd like to think it hasn't been, but it most definitely has.  I've bought a new car, got a part time job, had a few little encounters with some boys, cut all my hair off, made it a lighter brown, lost some weight, started taking medicine that will hopefully fix my hormone problem, finally figured out what I want to do with my life, and met someone I care about.

Tennessee photos thus far...